Three Hours…

There are many many things one can accomplish in a mere three hours if one so chooses to do so. One could very easily drive from the Great Sate of MD ALL the way to scenic NJ One could take the same three hours trying to commute home from Washington DC to a sleepy surburb a mere ten miles away thanks to that not quite right outdated beltway! OR one could choose to spend it quietly in a local library catching up on some much needed reading. Sadly it appears millions of us spent three grueling hours collectively watching some guy who some other guy (ok maybe there a cple of individuals who think it) claims to be the G.O.A.T. try in vain to score ONE I repeat ONE touchdown I don’t know about YOU but I expect more from my G.O.A.T.s Cut him some slack they’ll say he’s not a kid anymore, don’t sleep on the RAMS they’ll say they fended him off nicely… I’ve got two words for you: THREE HOURS!!! You know what I don’t have??? THREE HOURS of my LIFE back! For all the hype of the young buck/old dog for all the screaming they are gonna catch up to the #Steelers with ease all I got was lame commercials, a bizarre halftime show (that had not ONE but TWO petitions in circulation: one to scrap the bland appearance of #thevoice guy with only 115,000 signatures & the other to get same bland guy to play song from spongebob? One Million plus signatures!!!)If that doesn’t tell ya where poor #Kap stands (no pun intended) then you aren’t paying enough attn:( also a profound sense of loss of that’s right you guessed it THREE HOURS! Who knew the guy from #TheVoice could sing? Why kill off knight in shining armor? Why not scream out #ReaganReagan for a play? What I do know is Mr. Pearly Whites and his Top Model Wife are sitting in #Disneyland laughing at those of us who are gullible enough to wait in line for THREE HOURS just for a two minute ride…if only THAT game coulda been just as short…

One Mans Wall

There is an old Chinese proverb that says: “There are always ears on the other side of the wall” For future employees of McDonalds this will hold true more than they would like. It appears POTUS isn’t the only pro wall business minded individual hanging around. McDonalds has decided in their infinite wisdom to place a wall (barrier?) (steel slat style?) in between the kitchen area and the cashiers. This wall is of course only one part of their remodeling efforts to appeal to a more upscale clientele. Because a mass produced faux chicken nugget is clearly on the must have list of every high income earner ever? The best part of this brick by brick debacle is the franchise owners are claiming this wont help customer service!!! Because when I think of Nordstroms McDonalds somehow customer service is the first thing that comes to mind. Their other anti-wall argument is something tantamount to a “one size fits all” approach for remodels isn’t viable? This from a company that has no qualms about the infamous order by number spiel because a la carte is too much work? If one size doesn’t fit all via marketing brand/recognition some one needs to tell Honda because last I checked every dealership from here to mars looks identical from every vantage point whether you are in a Prius or traveling via Space X! THIS is because they want YOU to be able to pick out their store with a level of comfort AND ease…to say nothing of the poor badgers in upper management who will make frequent visits and NOT have to break out a GPS to figure where the fry cook station is or even feel that dreaded sense of discombobulation that could easily arise from entering a unfamiliar surrounding. So I say build the wall let upper management and every blue hair grandma from here to poughkeepsie walk in to the golden arches with a sense of relief, a sense of familiarity and marvel at the modern and ever changing walls that surround them! This wall shall be bigly & beautiful if corporate has anything to say about it and it should be! Why do you think on every American made dollar neath E. Pluribis Unum it clearly states “Bigger is Better”! Truth Justice & build that damn thing is the American way! If I don’t have to stare at the kitchen while awaiting my newly crafted Artisan Chicken sandwich I’m fine with it!


When you’ve got money to burn!

Not much bothers me, you can ask anyone I know; traffic? pffffft! Mondays? Puhleeeze! rain, sleet or SNOW? ha! bring it on! Bono pontificating about the evils of “Capitalism“? Well why should I care when a cantankerous old man who came from virtually nothing to one day having amassed a fortune of virtually One Billion dollars?(ok maybe it’s ONLY 700Million) Why should I care that a senior citizen who once cared so so much about some girl named “Gloria” that he forced us ALL to sing about her with pride and defiance like our bloody lives depended on it? Why? because its ridiculous that’s WHY! Look one one hand you have to cut the guy a break right he is after all from what is for all intents and purposes a rather hodgepodge of a mixed economy sooo maaaybe he is suffering from sort of financially driven identity crisis? Maybe he wakes up every morning flips a coin to decide if wants to be a socialist (do socialists even have coins?) or a capitalist ? Maybe he is just a rabble rouser and if he is how does one exactly rectify being only group with No. 1s in the 1980s, 1990s, 2000s and 2010s to have sold out stadiums and mattress store openings world wide? None of this equates a larger charitable master Socialist plan as far as I can see. And yet there is Grandpa Paul David screaming the equivalent of get off my grass! its MY grass ya hear me??? I mean if you are gonna lecture the FREE world on something dontcha think maybe you outta pick a topic like the dangers of bungee jumping? Texting whilst skateboarding perhaps? Buying brand new phones loaded with music ya never asked for? But sniveling about the almighty dollar when you have 700 Billion of ’em just lying round? multiple homes? all while wearing Louis “i’m so NOT capitalist” Vuitton shades ? I guess Ole Bono is just another one of those guys who really does has money to burn but just cant stand smoke!

That Portless Phone Tho…

First “they” took the optical drive out of my laptop, Then “they” took my headphone jack AND now “they” wanna give me a phone that has ZERO ports!!! That’s right you read that correctly; ZERO as in nada, zip, not EVEN one! Who do we have to thank for this groundbreaking technology? Who would be so bold as to give us such an amazing feat of advanced progress? Is it my boy #JohnLegere ? Is Blackberry jumping back into the game? NOPE its none other than #Meizu !!! OH YES MEIZU!!! A company thats only been around since 2003 While most of us were to busy trying to avoid #Sars as we walked around mindlessly listening to our #Ipods YES 2003 the year that gave birth to the rapper #BhadBhabie shall live in infamy thanks to MEIZU! After all its easy to be an #applefanboy & How hard is it to scream: “I LOVE MY SAMSUNG?” or maybe Pray that one day #Microsoft makes a phone you will wanna HOLD onto? But MEIZU is taking us to the next level as they are interactive with their fanbase via social media like a page straight outta the John Legere handbook, and with backing from #ALIBABA they are sure to crash here on our shores faster than you can say “Can you hear me now” Did I for get to mention the name of this newfangled phone? Its Called “The Zero” Oh yes its free of all those intrusive contraptions like a Sim Card Slot, a speaker grill & a charging port BUT wait there’s more!! Hold on to your digital wallets it has NO BUTTONS!!! NO BUTTONS!!! whatever will become of your precious muscle memory??? will retraining be needed? a renewal of that gym membership you stopped using one week in to January? Your hands will lean to cope Your eyes will learn to see and your brain will probably reboot if Meizu has anything to do with it. I for one cant wait!

It’s Inevitable

We are almost programmed to expect a certain level of drama given our 24hr overbearing news cycles and our collective thirst for “if it bleeds it leads” clearly hasn’t waned if sites like liveleak.com & 4chan are any barometers worth their salt. AND yet; here I sit in a rather crowded #Starbucks not too far from a man in none other than a #MAGA hat. Perhaps IF I wasn’t in a glorified bastion of #liberalcentric #coffeehouse of an environment OR IF the gentleman in question actually looked like what one might normally describe as a #MAGA hat owner then I would stop right here. I am however not at a tractor pull nor am I at a local pub, nor is the gentleman who is dressed smartly for what one could only assume is a office job but his style aside it is the mere fact that he is for all intents and purposes the polar of opposite of your classic Chez Whitey. Given this country’s recent macabre fascination with ALL things Red be it a state, ones American(or non) blood coursing thru ones veins, or God Forbid a HAT? I was more than happy to see this gentleman busy on his laptop being left alone to his own devices. It proves that what we as a society have always known but rarely acknowledge; people just want to live… Oh sure one could say picking a fight (Verbally or otherwise) with a well dressed taller man is prob never a good idea & yet a nano search thru #youtube or Lawd help us ALL #Facebook will have you thinking that #ThePurge had been brought to life over & over no matter where in our great union you may reside. I’m here to tell you it’s all poppycock!!! I’m here to tell you that 4 or out 5 have NO idea who the 21st #POTUS is /was not what or what HE did or didn’t do. (This blog shall recognize the Gentleman from The Great State of NY :Chester A. Arthur because we don’t don’t time to wait for your googling abilities to kick in) other words; for all the crying screaming and fear mongering that thrills us day to day in our current political climate it will pass as surely as you and I will die. The best part is despite your bitching moaning and screaming that the world is one click away from annihilation very very very few if any of us shall be remembered in the worlds stage, yet somehow a sizable number act like every time #POTUS sends out a tweet or a celebrity bothers us with their alleged answers to ALL the worlds problems that the minute a tweet is sent a butterfly or a Rhino meets its untimely death! This is not how the world works, it’s my advice that you get out of your hood, gated community or your mothers basement and book the first flight to as far away as your digital wallet will allow, breathe air you never breathed eat foods you’ve never eaten, date a individual who might identify as a freaking tree for all I care! but do so because you are NOT long for this world my friends, THAT you can bet on. Remember it’s your life not the “Zuckerberg’s” nor any other elite or even a beggar who shall give you what can only come from you… Your hopes, your dreams, your achievements are all YOURS to bring to life!

Exit to Nowhere

We humans are so easily distracted! Nothing shows this more clearly than the recent #Brexit debacle. It was waaay back in 2016 that this seemingly open and shut case began with what? A 51.9% of voters (wiki/brexit) opted to to simply “opt out” of the attachment(s) to the E.U. Fast forward to earlier this week when 600 or so individuals gather at the #HouseOfCommons to deliver a crushing blow to #TheresaMay faster than you could order an #Amazondivorce decree! Talk about about a “proper” spanking? Its losses like this that gotta make the #buffalobills feel good about getting skewered by the #ravens recently? Oh sure there is plenty of talk that by 2020 it could still somehow happen. It sounds like the Man who got the ball rolling (David Cameron former PM) has no regrets per a recent interview he gave to BBC news. Alas the tut tutters will shout from the rooftops and the votes will continue to pour in with both sides lamenting any post Brexit finality. All this from a Kingdom that’s been around since the 1700’s where “much ado about nothing” is starting to sound a tad more like a modern day meme as opposed to wonderful snippet from a play(apologies to Bill Shakesphere)

#TeamCheadle

The world is filled with questionable decisions often made by people whom are typically just in to big a hurry to give their actions even a half hazard 2nd thought before it’s too late. Not so sure this is the case with #KathyGriffin After all when one waits 18 long months to pick a fight over a battle you already lost, the general consensus is “hey look at the sore loser still steaming” But wait there’s more!!! Old Don unequivocally DENIED their friendship altogether! That tweet alone was worth the price of admission! Kathy never one to catch a clue no matter how big a catchers mitt they give her manages insult Dons #Liberalcred by alleging him to be an outright phony? The phrase “unmitigated gall” comes to mind. I think perhaps its time Kathy stopped trying so hard to be the bull in the china shop and maybe just sit this one out.

Speaking of having a seat; How does a guy with a net worth of somewhere around 2.5 million (wikiworth 2016) end up so broke he cant write a couple of checks totaling 13K? Yes i’m referring to Chris “Why dont you have a seat over there” Hansen!!! I mean if you’re gonna go ahead and order enough t-shirts, decals & mugs to hide enough cocaine in to make even #elchapo smile; wouldn’t it behoove you to be be sure you could at least pay for them? Has #ChrisHansen not heard of #vistaprint for the love of GOD? 13K for tshirts/mugs AND decals??? Either Chris has more friends than Tom from MySpace ever dreamed of having OR those are some pretty damn big t-shirts that have God know what printed on em? Bible verses one thru eighty-three? Every predator that ever got away from him? I don’t know what kind of time behind bars one gets in the Great State of Connecticut for bouncing checks, but here’s hoping he doesn’t try to bounce his way outta the courthouse like one of his many previous costars.

The Sky Has Yet To Fall

It has come to my attention that an “egg” is the most liked photo on Instagram. I repeat an EGG! Just when I thought a nation under siege via twitter storms and reality TV denouements to say nothing of the faux outrage over the latest non-binary battles; I find myself faced with an EGG! One has to wonder was the former number one photo crown bearer a vegetarian? Is this a sinister plot from the USDA? Could The EGG in all its “raw” beauty actually be what 35 million plus people worldwide have given their undivided attention to if only long enough to double tap? I know, I know the skeptic in you can’t stop scoffing at the mere fact thirty-five million is nothing when one considers that it could be that damn near the whole state of CA (yeah yeah stat freaks I know the CA pop is 39.5million) woke up one morning and decided it would be much easier to click like (heart?) rather than start another yet another getKylieouttaherechange.org petition OR maybe just maybe the “world” as we know it isn’t ready to be hit by that asteroid( https://www.express.co.uk/news/science/1070348/Nasa-asteroid-warning-asteroid-2019-ax2-earth-close-approach) and we can all breathe a lil easier because despite the naysaysers who would have you believe that somehow the only thing that matters is how long we have to stand in line JUST to catch a freaking flight, or that we are the laughing stock of the universe when POTUS or a whining celebrity manages to have a meltdown via social media that our tiny lil intertwined lives will be crushed neath the sadness and banal cries of ALL those who have yet to see the forest, nor the damn trees or what ever it was people were afraid of circa 1546 (apologies to John Heywood)

Cacophony

Yes the noise is all around us. Those of us with a front row seat (DC, MD & VA) it’s more often than not deafening. Gone are the days of the causal complaining first thing in the am round the coffee station, water cooler or God forbid Facebook? These days opinions have transformed into palpable tremors of the heart, often leading to vein popping screaming matches over ideas, rumors, and yes sometimes even the truth gets thrown in the mix (only to be quickly lost). Today it would appear almost everyone has a cause, a call to action if you will. From the “Flat Earthers” (ca., 1956) to the Zealous “Yellow Vests”(ca., 2018) The burning of torches is nothing new yet somehow it feels as if the torches are burning brighter? Longer? Over the next year I will attempt (along with my esteemed co-host Mark M.) to delve into the madness and draw back the curtains of change to inspire, uplift and bring about a sense of comical civility where there is often none to be found. Life is too short to spend all your free time flipping cop cars and voting for that same ole botoxed face who’ll tell a lie when the truth sounds better! Join us and feel free to share your opinions that are sure to be met with a spark of joy mixed with an ounce of disdain. (apologies to #MarieKondo)