What’s The Move?

The official start of spring is just over one month old & with it has come changes like we have never seen. Typically the race to selling and buying of homes coincides with the bloom of everything from tulips to azaleas. A prediction of a sales drop of up to 35% From CNBC (https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/19/coronavirus-update-home-sales-could-fall-by-35percent-as-spring-market-stalls.html ) puts a new twist on that… The purchases of classic items such as sun dresses to be matched with shoes now have to be paired with a matching mask! The process of obtaining that new vehicle for your child to go off to college with suddenly, has many more hurdles than price alone. The freewheeling world we have to come love day in and day out is now frought with unanswered questions and a future that may or may not be in our hands. (pending wich lastest conspiracy you may be buying into) The return to normalcy is either a lofty dream or a #MadMax laden ugly reality show in the making. Surely there are those who have embraced the #shelterinplace orders if for no other reason than; they never left their immediate 5mile radius to begin with. Work from home types, teleworkers, entrepreneurs and their ilk have long been ahead of the curve as well. But until recently they were without a doubt in the minority. Now the masses have had to scramble and rethink every aspect of thier daily routines from that morning #starbucks run to the oft needed happyhour. How does one digest all the changes thrust upon them in record time? How does one forgo thier casual nuances that they identified with so much so that they meshed with blindly? (Think the #WashingtonCapitals jersey sporting individuals whom had nothing more to look forward to than year after year of losses only to finally see that cup come home?) Sports; its a identifier that many of us will allow to affect our daily moods with or without a second thought given to really why? Now the sports world pushes on with thier draft picks & contract negotians but the airline industry might have the biggest impact how these teams get from one (empty?) staduim to another? The world over sports has managed to define eveything from nationality to the earliest goal setting dreams of children with or maybe only a sliver of any real chance of achieving them. The olympic games, marathons and even Octoberfest have ALL been cancelled or postponed(yes there are some people that consider beer drinking a sport in case you weren’t aware) The purveying wisdom is everything from the world series to the masters will all somehow make a comeback bigger than Robert Downey Jr fresh outta rehab! I’m not so sure, Im not entirely convinced that things will be as rosy as a #tombrady touchdown pass in the great state of Georgia on opening day. Am I hoping for some semblance of a return to partisan bickering? Do I long for the days some whining & sniveling elitist freaking out over his/her half caf/doubleshot of milk with only a little ice not prepared to thier liking? Do I have fantasies of grocery stores sans thier ghetto fabulous directional arrows leading us to to safety? Maaaybe… But I digress after all its a day to day world world we now find ourselves in. It’s a world in which the questions out number the answers exponentially. Its a world where as the kids say “what’s the move” takes on a whole new meaning.

The Fragile Fabric of Life

Death & Taxes” is often a refrain heard this time of year that either brings a shrug or a chuckle depending on your particular point of view. People from every walk of life find themselves contemplating this refrain with perhaps a touch more anxiety here in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic. Sadly there just aren’t enough meth lovin’ gun toting, animal saving documentaries to distract us from the reality of what our very new normal looks like. For some of us the change has been gradual, for others it changed literally overnight. The loss of jobs, access to schools/teachers/friends/co-workers and to say nothing of the entertainment industry we once knew has ALL forever changed. It’s easy to laugh at the memes that poke fun at the masses who once were beyond content to stay locked in their perspective offices, homes, coffee shops readily glued to their phones/laptops etc NOW are only to eager to walk, run, job OUTSIDE once given a firm suggestion that keeping ones butt planted in the house would trigger an onslaught of: “I need some fresh air” It’s harder to laugh at the 24 hr onslaught of press briefings, filled with grim stats, unanswered questions AND the ensuing chaos.

We humans are a funny lot, lets face it we wanna believe we have ALL the answers or the potential to find them, use them and make them our own, Nothing could be farther from the truth. We know very little in the grand scheme of things, in fact ill go out on a limb and say we know less than nothing. Oh sure shake your head in disbelief, wag your finger & point/laugh as you marvel at all of our collective achievements! The invention of fire, the fishing rod, the airplane! we’ve put men in space & 20,000 leagues under the sea! yet lo & behold; no cure for Dengue, Diabetes, and my fave “the common cold” NONE! We cant even figure out how to change lanes in cars we invented without trying verbally assault one another of over a turn signal, because we have lulled ourselves into somehow believing that we are superior to one another time and time again. According to www.nsc.org 38,000 people died in the USA last year due to car accidents. yes its a 2%decline from the prior year, but its a staggering number indeed. A number more often than not attributed to human error. 38,000! some of them taken away instantly others after battles to stay alive for varying periods of time only to succumb to a demise that arguably could have been avoided. Life is often taken for granted & we have always powered through one end of times scenario after another with very little regard for the next “internet breaking moment” yet somehow this world changing scene stealing pandemic has left even the talking heads/politicians and philosophers scratching their heads with the ability to pontificate freely suddenly snatched from under them. No ONE man, world leader, Doctor, or civilian can bring this thing to a screeching halt. No one woman will deliver us from the jaws of death that certainly await the unfortunate ones who shall be taken from us by this powerful invisible force. To Quote Mr. Driverless Car: “The first step is to establish that something is possible; then probability will occur.” (apologies to Elon if i butchered that) Together however, we can work towards a solution that encompasses many more answers than questions in order to preserve, protect and cherish that fleeting span of time that is each and every one of our collective lives as we stand together albeit 6-10 feet apart to live one more day. Maybe getting outside with your kids, maybe spending time with your spouse sans smartphone, maybe seek out a career path you never thought possible or secretly ALWAYS wanted? Just remember life goes on with and without us! Make the most of it before you flick off that driver next to you, or snatch that last roll of toilet paper off the shelf…

Vote…or Don’t

There are some of you roaming this planet carefree and happy and on any given day there are some of you whom give it your all with reckless abandon. In case you find yourself here in the good ole U.S. of A. & just happen to reside in any one of the states slated to cast a vote on this coming Super Tuesday by all means cast away! Now I wish it were only so simple…cast a vote=clear your conscience. THAT would be nice wouldn’t it? Looking back to 2016 one can only shake ones head at the sheer staggering lack of participation; somewhere in the neighborhood of 138 million people bothered to show up, vote & retreat back to their lives. OH yes you read that right ONLY 138 million people; which is around 58% of the eligible voters we have…FIFTY-EIGHT percent!!! Lets look at it from another perspective IF you only gave 58% of effort to your job day after day how long do you think it would be before you found yourself in trouble? IF you only paid attn to your spouse/significant other 58% of the time how long before they roll out on you? If you chose to only bathe 58% of your body on the regular trust me people would notice! YET for ALL the brouhaha over allegedly how bad the shape of this country is supposed to be in… there are more than enough people available to make genuine changes one way or another alas they simply choose to abstain from the very process they will whine and snivel over with each pithy tweet and Facebook rambling as if their inaction wasn’t any part of the problem at all. So do yourself and your fellow citizen(s) a favor, don’t just vote; take a buddy with you. Take a friend, a stranger, take the guy you hate more than anything and discuss the very thing that has brought the two of you together on such a monumental day! (civilly of course?) Remember if the numbers bear it out and we reach full participation (or at least 75-80%) Then and ONLY then will we have taken a real pulse on the heartbeat of this great country! In the meantime try and stay calm after all, its only a matter of time before the pendulum swings back like it always has.

 

A Decade of Dreams

“The End Is Nigh” is often what one hears when the calendar reaches the inevitable moment of one decade rolling over in to the next. The naysayers rejoice, the optimists opine and the apathetic somehow manage to avoid. This particular looming decade feels different for many many reasons. Lets face it we are on the cusp of robots replacing workers, free college tuition for all and maybe even our very first female President? The world is changing at a pace never before seen at least since the industrial revolution? Life’s everyday doldrums we take for granted with nary a thought of how we got here. The food we eat, the jobs we hold, and yes the money we spend are ALL changing with each passing hour. Facebooks; “libra” and “the Impossible burger” and lets not forget “Amazon Drone Delivery” are just some examples of what will impact us in the very very near future for better or for worse? Oh sure for some cash will always be king, and that “Beyond Meat” will always remain just beyond reach for a few. Amazon however will not be ignored, the drones have already gotten the proverbial green light for air space from the FAA and thats just the beginning. Maybe you don’t know Crypto from Cash, maybe you can’t smell one faux beef taco from another but you will. It wasn’t that long ago you couldn’t make a friend on the other side of the globe without first actually traveling there. It wasn’t that long ago that shopping for groceries on your phone was thought impossible. The way we interact from our employment choices to our love lives is conducted thru one streaming wifi connection to another. The change has been so swift it has lost its element of surprise and given us a collective expectation of something else. The next 10 years is sure to leave us reeling with thoughts of where did the time go but also put us on a path towards unity. We will all serve the same cloud based masters and reap whatever perceived benefits that come with such adoration. One can only hope for cancer cures, the removal of extreme poverty and the chance to live in a place where simply voicing ones opinion no longer leads to online mob lynching and vitriol. In the meantime enjoy your virtual Doctor visits, thrive in your gig economy & revel in your ability to think for yourself for one day soon this could all change with or without your informed consent.

It’s a Dogs Life!

I’ve been a witness to many a strange thing in my day; doors opening by themselves, grown men fighting over toy dolls, and even inexplicable things flying through the nighttime sky. Today however, I found myself attempting to complete a five mile run along a peaceful wooded trail when a dog trots by wearing shoes! Oh yes, “shoes” maybe they are actually booties? “Paw Protectors?” This was no froo froo #ParisHilton puppy; more like Doberman loving #MariahCarey circa 1990. That’s right this dog like every other pup that has been domesticated for thousands of years a direct descendant of the WOLF has found itself wearing some sort of protective footwear like he just stepped outta some #OSHA training video! Why??? what would possess an owner to think a dog, a DIRECT descendant of the WOLF would need a pair of booties? Was I running through the Sahara desert? (no)Was there broken glass every ten foot on the trail?(no) Was the mud just too much? Was the owner just being extra? How does one justify pampering, babying, a dog who clearly came from a long line of hunters? Look I know the whole fur baby thing in this country is a very real thing but for the love of God!!! Booties? really? Some days I worry that it’s not the aliens that are gonna show up from a galaxy far away and do us in, nor will that whole #climatechange thing wipe us out either. Nope, it will be US and our constant need to to somehow protect everything we touch from every other thing we lay our eyes on. We have more collective audacity than Capt Picard/Jack Sparrow combined. There is a reason we are at the top of the food chain, tho after today I’m not so sure how much longer that will be the case. The thing about dogs is: “They are great levelers, there’s no nonsense with them, and they just want affection and not a pair of booties” Apologies to #DonatellaVersace

The Billion Dollar Question?

Kylie, Kylie Kylie. It seems everyone is up in arms over her success. The California kid who magically showed up around 1997 thanks to Bruce Jenner and his wife at the time Kris! She more or less grew up in front of us via Cable TV and eventually wound up home schooled for bit; but no cares about that! Lets fast forward to 2013 when she designed/created or somehow gave us some soon to be famous lipstick? Nail Poilish? sandpaper? who the hell knows ? Whats important is in the year of our Lord 2015 we found ourselves graced with: Her first scandal: “PlumperGate” or “Lipgate” soon to be followed by a cosmetics line of her VERY OWN: #KylieCosmetics That’s right: HER line of cosmetics is just that: hers dammit. While you haters sit around pontificating her earned/unearned meteoric rise to the top of the charts; #bloomberg, #forbes, has bestowed upon her a title that just like her line of cosmetics is uniquely hers!!! Forbes, a magazine thats been around for what? 102 YEARS is prob not in the habit of throwing titles around like horseshoes at your uncles lame attempt at a backyard shindig. Bloomberg Magazine, a publication that managed to outlive everyone except for #BettyWhite is also not going around throwing shade nor meaningless accolades for fun and profit I can assure you. Oh sure you can stand there with your manbun piled high or your faux #coach bag slung over your shoulder and be as judgy as you want, but DEEP down inside you know i’m right, YOU know that Kylie is self made and self aware and the queen of self promoting! It baffles me that these individuals screaming Kylie is sooo NOT worthy. Its a laughable notion that somehow in between snapping selfies on their thousand dollar iphones in raggedy gas station bathrooms they find time to enlighten us with their sad attempts at economic theory. Fact: Kylie is first and foremost a business woman. Fact: Kylie is a extremely successful business woman. Fact: Kylie is a single mom(single mom meaning unmarried for purposes of this blog) So lets review: Kylie clearly had a plan; a plan she clearly put in motion at an early age and that plan came to fruition with spectacular results. Sadly haters don’t care about any of that. Haters don’t have time for factoids. Haters can’t be bothered with reality. Kylie isn’t the first female Billionaire but she is the youngest self made one. The work that went on behind the scenes for her is hidden for a reason and thats prob for the best but that doesn’t make the work any less viable or as the kids like to say “legit”. Starting a business is never easy, sustaining a business is a never ending process of reinvention and self preservation. The whining and sniveling perpetrated by those who refuse to give credit where credit is due could and should be replaced with some good old fashioned hard work. While not everyone has great ideas nor anyway to implement them; tearing someone down because they did something you cant fathom, seems pointless. So instead of sitting round this week trying to figure out who the hell is singing behind one of those God awful furries inspired masks; send a tweet to myinvention.com or sketch out that car design that will make Elon Musk rethink that whole get us to the mars thing. Get off your ass and do something to make the world pay attn to you for once!

Three Hours…

There are many many things one can accomplish in a mere three hours if one so chooses to do so. One could very easily drive from the Great Sate of MD ALL the way to scenic NJ One could take the same three hours trying to commute home from Washington DC to a sleepy surburb a mere ten miles away thanks to that not quite right outdated beltway! OR one could choose to spend it quietly in a local library catching up on some much needed reading. Sadly it appears millions of us spent three grueling hours collectively watching some guy who some other guy (ok maybe there a cple of individuals who think it) claims to be the G.O.A.T. try in vain to score ONE I repeat ONE touchdown I don’t know about YOU but I expect more from my G.O.A.T.s Cut him some slack they’ll say he’s not a kid anymore, don’t sleep on the RAMS they’ll say they fended him off nicely… I’ve got two words for you: THREE HOURS!!! You know what I don’t have??? THREE HOURS of my LIFE back! For all the hype of the young buck/old dog for all the screaming they are gonna catch up to the #Steelers with ease all I got was lame commercials, a bizarre halftime show (that had not ONE but TWO petitions in circulation: one to scrap the bland appearance of #thevoice guy with only 115,000 signatures & the other to get same bland guy to play song from spongebob? One Million plus signatures!!!)If that doesn’t tell ya where poor #Kap stands (no pun intended) then you aren’t paying enough attn:( also a profound sense of loss of that’s right you guessed it THREE HOURS! Who knew the guy from #TheVoice could sing? Why kill off knight in shining armor? Why not scream out #ReaganReagan for a play? What I do know is Mr. Pearly Whites and his Top Model Wife are sitting in #Disneyland laughing at those of us who are gullible enough to wait in line for THREE HOURS just for a two minute ride…if only THAT game coulda been just as short…

One Mans Wall

There is an old Chinese proverb that says: “There are always ears on the other side of the wall” For future employees of McDonalds this will hold true more than they would like. It appears POTUS isn’t the only pro wall business minded individual hanging around. McDonalds has decided in their infinite wisdom to place a wall (barrier?) (steel slat style?) in between the kitchen area and the cashiers. This wall is of course only one part of their remodeling efforts to appeal to a more upscale clientele. Because a mass produced faux chicken nugget is clearly on the must have list of every high income earner ever? The best part of this brick by brick debacle is the franchise owners are claiming this wont help customer service!!! Because when I think of Nordstroms McDonalds somehow customer service is the first thing that comes to mind. Their other anti-wall argument is something tantamount to a “one size fits all” approach for remodels isn’t viable? This from a company that has no qualms about the infamous order by number spiel because a la carte is too much work? If one size doesn’t fit all via marketing brand/recognition some one needs to tell Honda because last I checked every dealership from here to mars looks identical from every vantage point whether you are in a Prius or traveling via Space X! THIS is because they want YOU to be able to pick out their store with a level of comfort AND ease…to say nothing of the poor badgers in upper management who will make frequent visits and NOT have to break out a GPS to figure where the fry cook station is or even feel that dreaded sense of discombobulation that could easily arise from entering a unfamiliar surrounding. So I say build the wall let upper management and every blue hair grandma from here to poughkeepsie walk in to the golden arches with a sense of relief, a sense of familiarity and marvel at the modern and ever changing walls that surround them! This wall shall be bigly & beautiful if corporate has anything to say about it and it should be! Why do you think on every American made dollar neath E. Pluribis Unum it clearly states “Bigger is Better”! Truth Justice & build that damn thing is the American way! If I don’t have to stare at the kitchen while awaiting my newly crafted Artisan Chicken sandwich I’m fine with it!